Letting Go

I’m really appreciative that even in such a difficult time in our lives, John and I are able to laugh and let go. I don’t know if this story is just going to be lost on everyone else, but I’m going to tell it anyway.

Earlier this week, John and I became nostalgic for the times that we would spend every weekend waking up early and going to the beach. John would come and pick me up at my house around 6-6:30am. Listening to Sublime and Slightly Stoopid, we’d drive with the windows down. It was always cool out because the sun had barely started coming up.

Then we’d sit on the beach for a couple of hours. I’d start burning by about 9:30am and we’d trek back home, hot as hell. I’d try to keep the windows down for the fun of it but the AC would win every time.

So we decided to recreate that this weekend.

Now, if you don’t know us or our situation, going to the beach for a few hours doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. But for the past four months, we have been on-edge and afraid to be more than 20-30 minutes away from the area because of John’s mom’s health. John’s mom now needs a ride to dialysis every Monday, Wednesday and Friday around 6am. Other than that, things have been going well this past week. John’s mom has people taking care of her, so John can breathe a little easier.

So, we’re thinking – “Great, Saturday morning from 6-11am, we should have no problem!” (This is called foreshadowing.)

We were excited. On Friday morning, John was charging our Nooks so we could read on the beach for hours. We were listing out all of the things we’ve decided make a beach trip more enjoyable now that we’re adults – chairs, umbrellas, maybe some Starbucks (you don’t need those things when you’re 17).

Then the phone call (this seems to be the overlying theme of our lives in the past four months). John was waiting for the phone call from his mom to let him know that she was done with dialysis and that she needed to be picked up. This phone call in particular contained an extra bit of information. His mom has been hanging on to an extra bit of fluid the past few days. The cure? Wait for it…

More dialysis! The next day.

John and I have become a bit morbid since this all started. We also started off very angry and negative. I’m not saying that we are no longer angry and negative but instead of heading toward, “We won’t be able to go to the beach tomorrow”, we headed in the opposite direction of, “We’ve still got this!”

John’s mom told him that they (the dialysis overlords) were saying that she would probably have to come in for the second shift, sometime in the afternoon.

Oh yeah. We’ve still got this. We could definitely be back by noon.

So we continue on with our merry Friday. By the time I get home from work, we still haven’t heard anything definitive about Saturday.

Then the phone call (told you – it’s the theme). I listen to the one-sided conversation. “So they’re going to take you tomorrow? Okay, good. What time?”

And the pause.

“5:45 or 6:15?”

Then John’s face.

I won’t go into the rest of the conversation or the pure disbelief we shared in how absolutely perfectly our plans were ruined, since John would have to drive his mom to her appointment, then back about 2 hours later.

So we laughed. We laughed for five minutes straight.

This morning, while John is picking up his mom, all I can think about is how grateful I am that we’re not allowing this whole situation to suck us into a black hole of negativity. We bitch and complain, yes. But things could be a lot worse – have been a lot worse already. And it reminds me that it’s all about your state of mind. People are strong and resilient, and I think they can get through any stressful situation as long as they decide how to react. And we’ve decided that we’ll just save the beach for next weekend.

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